It is 1:18 AM and Eli and I are upstairs in the front bedroom. He is very stuffy and can't breath, therefore he can't sleep, thus making it a very difficult night for him. His mommie has walked and patted and tended him all day, so I thought I would take a shift for her. As I made my little back rest in the bed and Dad got a pillow for me to prop the arm on that I was holding Eli with, memories flooded over me and enveloped me until I felt like I was sitting up with Billie Jo and her croup the way I always used to...to make sure she continued breathing; or maybe it felt like I was sitting up all night with Olivia and her many ear infections she suffered during her baby years; or perhaps it was creating the back prop to sit up with Allen all night when he had the coup and we would build the "croup tent, " so he could breathe more easily and we could avoid a trip to the emergency room; or it could possibly have been the memories of Chelsea and her stuffy nose and not being able to breathe and sitting up with her so she could avoid laying down flat and getting so stuffed up she couldn't breathe; or it could have been the many nights spent with Giselle and her fevers and bad earaches...I would lay on my side with her sitting up against me in order to relieve the pain... leaned back into the curve of my body. Somehow sitting up with sick children always seems to make it a little better for them...or is it just the only thing we seem to be able to do to make us feel like we are actually doing something for them? Whatever it is...the privilege of being a mother and taking care of these wonderful little spirits we have clothed in flesh is a beautiful experience. I can't think of anything nicer than serving someone you love as much as we love our babies. This kind of opportunity lasts only for a short time, and when you get up to go in the bathroom for a tissue to wipe a runnie nose and look in the mirror... you realize you are on borrowed time and baby. The time is far spent for spending quiet nights with you little ones...for they are grown with little ones of their own. It's nice to be able to have a baby to walk the floor with, whether it's because their mom is at a rural schools conference, building a house or just plain tired.
All is quiet and Eli has finally been able to close his mouth to breathe... see...the sitting up position really does do something for them. I think maybe he's getting a toothie -- he keeps putting his fingers in his mouth. Anyway, I could almost believe I was young again, if I didn't look up and see my reflection in the window and realize I am old and just serving as a substitute!
Another thought...it has been nearly seven months since Mom died. I thought it would get easier with time, but as Thanksgiving and her birthday approach, I miss her so. Dad is also having a really hard time. I don't know of a mother who gave of herself so selflessly as my Mom. Think of all the sleepless nights spent up not only caring for sick children, but sewing clothes for eight little girls. I'm sure there were times she was so tired, she wondered if she could continue. All I know is that I love and appreciate her so much and I am thankful for such a wonderful mother and for the opportunity to be a mother, as well.
Eli seems to be breathing without a struggle as he lays here against my chest--heart to heart. I think I'll try the bed and pillow prop again.
Jack's Baptism
9 years ago
8 comments:
It is unbelieveable to me that you can find such wisdon even at 1:18 in the morning. That is when I find my best reflection time as well. I was up myself- not blogging however. I have been thing about Grandma a lot myself lately and I even told you some of the things that had brought up my feelings. But at this time when we are able to reflect on the things we are thankful for, you seem to be at the top of my list. Thanks for always serving, giving, and teaching me so much! I will miss you all this week.
I meant to say thinking about Grandma, guess I should get more sleep then 4 hours. Oh well now I can sleep for the lengthy car ride!!!
It took me about 10 minutes to get through this - it's hard to read when your eyes are clouded over with tears!
Mommy, thank you for this beautiful post. I will ALWAYS remember sitting up in the cozy chair you created for me while you laid, and it really did make me feel better to have you there. Or the many many times you would come to my room with the special cough syrup because you could hear me coughing from the other end of the house. You are the best Mom anyone could ever ask for, and I love you so much. That Eli is a lucky boy to be cared for by someone so loving and experienced. I love you!
I hope that with Grandma missing from your life this holiday season, some of that emptiness can be filled with your new Grandbabies and soon-to-be Grandbaby. She'll never be replaced or removed, but hopefully we can help fill the void. Thanks for your post. Love you!
Oh, this is GISELLE! I had to sign into Chelse'a account to look at the recipe blog...
It's amazing how even after eleven years, I find that I miss my dad more than ever. I always wish I could seek his advice when confronting a problem with one of the kids. Sometimes all he would say was ahhhh, but it seemed to help. Four more weeks and I'll try this grandma hat on myself. I have some big shoes to fill behind you and Dixie, I hope I can do it. I really will call you this weekend and set up a time,we'll be in las Vegas or a soccer tournament.
To say thank-you, after all you have done for me, just doesn't seem like enough. But what more can you say to someone who has done so much for you throughout your entire life? Thank-you for all that goes into raising a child. Thank-you for continuing to support and love me into my adult years. Thank-you for helping me be the kind of mother that I want to be. Thank-you for letting me get some SLEEP last night!
Mom, I hope one day I can be half the mother that you are and were to us. I hope I get to have more little babies to hold and rock and to let you hold and rock. I love you so much for all the help you are to me!
I can't EVER imagine a McNeil or Bisel mom getting tired. I know that you are able to do all the wonderful things you do because you will do all these amazing things even if you do them in the middle of the night. I'm so glad to have such a wonderful set of women to look up to and strive to emulate. I know you will never stop missing your mom, but at least it is just a brief separation.
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